Church fire miraculously spares only KJV Bibles.
Acts Community Church in Jamestown, Oregon succumbed to one of the many forest fires marching through the state this week. While the church building was completely destroyed, one group of Bibles remained unscathed. Stunningly, all the Bibles burned to a crisp except for the King James Version translation.
“You know they have a saying in basketball, ‘Ball don’t lie.’ Well, when it comes to Bible translations, fire don’t lie. I had always been hesitant to take our church into full on KJV only territory, but the Lord made his will clear this week. We will rebuild, and we will not make the same mistake again of using other translations. It makes you wonder if all this was God’s judgment on us in the first place. I knew I shouldn’t have let Frank read from the NIV in service last week.” Pastor Red Smith
Pastor Smith said that the fire miracle gave him an idea for an experiment he wants to conduct once the fire danger levels go down later this year. He plans to gather a wide variety of translations, put them all in a fire together, and record the impact the fire has on each translation.
Smith stated, “If this experiment goes the way I think it will, it could go a long way to ending these arguments about translations.”
Rest assured, we will be back to report on the results of the experiment when they are available.
Editor’s note: this article is satire.